HEALTHY INSIDE OUT
Most of my life I’ve been what you might call a yo-yo dieter. I’ve hopped from diet to diet trying to lose weight by any means necessary but never being successful at it long term. I have been considered overweight by medical (and well..personal trainer) standards. No, not morbidly obese but still 25 pounds or more over my healthy weight.
In 2007 I decided to try and loose it. I just wanted to know what it felt like to be skinny. To know how it felt to pull my knee to my chest and bend over to tie my shoe without feeling out of breath. So, I went on a serious weight loss journey and lost 100 pounds in 4 years!
Great job Kathryn, right? Well, actually…
The first 2 years of significant weight loss was mainly attributed to being more active with intentional exercise. I still ate hotdogs and chips but slowly weight did fall off.
The next 2 years I spent hopping from diet to diet, trying to get the last 50lbs off. I couldn't seem to do it the healthy way; you know, eating a balanced diet. Rather I picked the extremes. I found the newest fad diet, pill, or drink and ta-da instant weight loss!
I'd do well on a diet for a week or two at best, see a little progress and desire to reward my efforts and sacrifice by eating an entire bag of Doritos...and maybe a Snickers...and then maybe a handful of peanuts covered with melted cheese....ewwww, let me see what else I can eat until, BAM! I was right back to where I started.
Instead of going back on the fad diet I used to lose weight before, I looked for a new one and ate while I waited. I finally tried a diet so extreme it called for only 500 calories a day. I lost the other 40 pounds quickly. However, this diet wasn't sustainable and I was starving! Once I lost the total amount of weight I desired I was a whooping 128 pounds. Wooohooo...right?
WRONG! I still looked in the mirror and saw a fat girl. Nothing changed inside in my mind where it counted, so my change was destined to be short lived and it was.
Within a year I started packing back on the pounds. I beat myself up and promised every day that I would start eating healthy again tomorrow but by noon I was eating fried chicken and french fries. Well, since I already messed up with this meal I might as well go ahead and eat whatever I want the rest of the day. This all or nothing mentality left me frustrated, defeated and heavier week after week.
Occasionally I'd stumble upon some diet, loose 10 pounds then get lazy and quit. It was just easier to eat what I wanted...and way more fun than sacrificing my desires. Who wants to sacrifice anything anyway?
The cycle of unhealthy eating was to fill a void. I ate because I was unhappy, and I was unhappy because I overate. It was a lose/lose situation…more like a gain/lose situation. I gained the pounds and lost my self-worth somewhere.
I started to recognize a pattern began to ask myself the hard questions.
Why can't stick to eating healthy long term?
Why do I live to eat vs eat to live?
Why do I look at food as a guilty pleasure that makes me happy?
Why do I feel like I'll be missing out on life without certain foods?
Taking this self-inventory I discovered it wasn't from a lack of desire or knowledge, but rather an unhealthy perspective about myself. I needed to see myself and food from a God view and be healed inwardly so I could begin to see an outward change.
In April of 2020, I started using a diet program yet again. The first week went great and I lost 10lbs. The second week and on went as they said and I lost 1-2 pounds each week.
I wanted to quit because this was painfully slow weight loss! Since I hadn't done it healthy before, I wasn't sure I could hang on the length of time it took to lose the 40lbs I needed to lose.
The cravings began to come on strong, "Oh if only I could eat one, just one Dorito!" Yeah, it's that bad for me y'all!
I started to daydream of all the foods I would go back to eating once the diet was over and then it hit me...what are you doing? Do you really want to put in all this hard work and money in to just gain it back? NO!
I had to get my perspective fixed to keep it off for good. So, I started asking God to really help me this time. I got my pen and journal out and started listening to all he revealed. He showed me the root of where my unhealthy view of food came from and why I felt I would miss something without it. He is still showing me new things everyday as I have decided to be intentional about this process of change from the inside out.
I thought it was just about the number of a scale, but it's so much more than that. Mental health is just as important and coincides with our external body. What goes in will eventually show up on the outside of us. That could be filling our minds with junk such as negativity, anger, bitterness, and selfishness which will come out of our mouths, or it could be filling our bodies with junk food which will come out on our waistlines.
Sustainable health is being healthy from the inside out. It takes time, patience, and effort but it's worth it to be the best YOU, you can be. I invite you to check out my YouTube channel and join me on my journey. Laugh with me while I share all Gods revealed to me while I am taking the baby steps to a better me. Maybe you'll relate and even share your story with me!